Awake

If I've done anything these days, that is thinking. One could almost say I've had a case of over thinking, but I see that as negative energy. And the thinking I've come across has been nothing but positive.

Since my last post, it seems like my life has been ransacked and taken on a new form, right before my very eyes. This, however, is a good thing. I have recently rekindled an old relationship that used to be flamed with desire. No, not a physical relationship, a relationship with Jesus. Up until 2 weeks ago, my priorities have been centered around two basic things that I thought were important: 1. popularity 2. myself.

Especially in a new school, these things are the most important, right? I thought so at least, until 2 weekends ago, God took my life on a whirl-wind adventure. Before that weekend, I have now realized I've been asleep this whole time. The people I had been centering myself around were not making me happy, but rather pushing further and further into the wrong direction. I wasn't my self any more. It made me tired, and quite frankly, I didn't like those 2 months one bit.

Of course you're probably curious about this weekend I've mentioned. It just so happened to be our annual church retreat set aside in the middle-of-nowhere to be alone with Jesus for a bit. I honestly didn't plan on going on this retreat again. The chilly nights at Beaver Fortress (yes, that's what it's called) had never been comfortable for me, and dirty community showers have never been my motif. After all, everything's about me, right? Anyhow, the weekend before this weekend was my dearest friend Alyssa Fagaly's birthday party. Where I felt the love of God through true friends without them even trying to do so. The pure joy of fellowship with God's children that loved him through their actions ignited a craving inside of me that wouldn't go away. I had to go on this retreat.


It sounds terrible to say that God ruined my life that weekend, but He did. And that's ok, I asked him to. The life that I was living and the life I had all planned out were not what was really in store for me. Jesus opened my eyes to his sweet love. He awakened me. God (along with many other wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ) showed me that He can only love me as much as I let him love me. As much sin and confusion that had clouded my vision, God still saw me as the mission-minded 14 year old that I used to be. He never saw me any other way, and all He wanted was for me to let Him love me.


So what did that new truth do for me? A couple of things, actually. For one, I came home that Sunday and ended a relationship that did nothing but add confusion. I know for a fact God has not placed a soul mate in my life at the age of 16, so why try looking when you know it's not the time for that? God will let me know when I'm ready for relationships, all He's asking now is for me to seek Him, and love Him unconditionally. Once I understand that never-failing, passionate love, maybe then I (along with my Savior's help) can find that special person in my life.

I also centered myself around new friends, my Real Life family. Through this new awakening, I have learned what a real friend is, and it's not a keg party on a Friday night. A friend is a positive influence, and I have an amazing group of them now that will never cause me to stumble, but will help me move forward through life and make me giggle along the way (did I mention my friends are hilarious?)


In light of all of this, I am happy. My world has been rocked and I my shoulders feel lighter. It's amazing to me how easy it is to forget how light, and airy God's love feels. This peace that surpasses all understanding (Phillipians 4:7) is just what I need.


In Joy,


Kandace